Dont understand about myself

Why I so frustate?
I dont understand why its hard for me to ask a scholarship...
I hate doing that...
Asking a scholarship make me feel so useless, disgusting, not important, bad,etc...
I hate 100x my life so much....
Father can you help me....
I feel, I cannot do anything right...
I'm lost again...
I feel empty...
I feel I cannot do anything to make everything better....
I have no energy to do anything...
so long farewell...

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